For several months I have been following the blog of a 33 year old mother of three (the third which is now in Heaven) who has been diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. Her story is unbelievable....truly heartbreaking, yet her faith is amazing....intoxicating. I encourage you to read her story and follow her blog.
Her post today, however, is one that has left me in much reflection.
Sara brings up the subject of grumbling and wonders if God ever gets angry with all of our "grumbling?" She talks about how she grumbles a lot about how terrible she feels after chemo rather than simply being thankful that God has provided medicine to treat the disease. I think we would all agree that a little grumbling there should be considered ok, right? If you keep reading, however, Sara then reveals the true depths of her heart. As she reads about the Israelites hard journey to the promise land, she compares her grumbling to that of the people complaining over only having mana to eat verses meat. Grumbling over chemo verses grumbling for better food???
God was present, was providing for their daily needs, and yet they prayed for more, for better, for different.
Each time I read her blog I am taken back by not only her grasp of our God and all of His uniqueness, but also her complete humility.....that she dares to feel guilty for grumbling over the effects the chemo is having on her body when we (I) so often "grumble" over far more miniscule things.
This past weekend I was able to go to New York City. I walked the streets of Soho, admiring the endless boutiques, feeling a little too inadequate and a little too poor to go into the shops. In less than 3 weeks, I will be going to Haiti, a country where I will be viewed as rich beyond measure, surrounded by people who eat "mana" (so to speak) with every meal, where the word "boutique" has no meaning nor worth. I don't think it is by coincidence that God allowed both of these trips to fall so closely together. I was able to venture to a city that has everything....and soon will be going to a city that has nothing. I pray that as I travel my eyes are opened to the real need in this world, the real hardships that surround the daily lives of others, and to the blessings I so richly and undeservingly have. I pray this so that I can train my heart to one that no longer lives in GRUMBLING.....but in overflowing GRATITUDE.
And I pray for Sara....daily.....for strength, for healing, and for her continued example to others!