Sunday, November 22, 2009

Inspiration

Guilty! I love to be inspired! I enjoy finding that perfect song, line from a book, sign on the road, heartfelt conversation....that literally speaks to my heart. My newest inspiration, however, comes from a man. I don't know his name or where he lives or what makes him unique, but he is there...every morning...same place...same routine. Two years ago my route to school changed directions. That was the first time I noticed him. In all honesty, I was probably sipping on my coffee, listening to music, running lesson plans through my head, and trying not to hit the guy walking on the side of the road waving his arms in the air as an exercise technique. I can imagine that I didn't think twice about seeing this old man walking that day, or even the many days that followed. Somewhere along the way, however, he began to grab my attention. I started looking for him on my drive and found a smile come to my face each time he appeared. He was always there, rain or shine, hot or cold. I don't know a thing about this man, but his level of dedication astounded me. It reminds me daily that if he can get out there and walk, day after day, then there is no room for excuses in my life.

As with anything in life, when we get out of routine, things can easily be forgotten. My daily venture to school came to an end this year, though it was not without blessing! My full-time job took on a whole different persona.....my children. One morning I was driving my two year old to preschool when I was completely stunned. There he was....same place, same routine, "different" time??!! I was so excited to not only see him that day, but be reminded of how much joy just his presence had brought to me for the past two years. The strange thing is that I still see him now, twice a week, on my morning drive. Why is it that years of consistency in his walks change the very year that my routine changes? How is it possible that we still meet on that road? Does the Lord so intricately place this man in my life as a reminder of his dedication to me....that he is always there, never failing, rain or shine, hot or cold? One day I hope to meet him, to tell him how proud I am of him, and what an encouragement he has been to me. (**I also hope that I don't give him a heart attack when some crazy car pulls up beside him.) He is the very definition of inspiration, and I was just lucky enough to have noticed!



Friday, November 20, 2009

Learning to Dance

The Lord speaks to me in many ways, but today he spoke to me through dancing! My husband and I have talked for years about taking a dance class together. I love to dance.....any music, any time, anywhere. What I have discovered over the years is just that...."I" love to dance. It works when I dance...flows. When my husband and I get together, however, it doesn't look quite so eloquent. What is funny though, is that I have never placed the blame on myself. Dancing is an art. It takes patience, practice, dedication. It is letting go of control and learning to work with your partner. Isn't that just what a marriage is all about? I was very humbled tonight at this thought. How often do I allow my husband to lead me? How often do I follow his steps, surrender to his direction, trust in his support? This is an area that is very difficult for me. I've realized though that it isn't until we learn to "selflessly" dance together that we finally learn how to move with grace. A beginner learns, a moderate practices, and an advanced perfects. While I may only be a beginner, I cherish the wisdom God is giving me in these moments. I love that He speaks to me in a way I can relate to and understand. I am so thankful that no matter how many times I have awkwardly stepped on His toes, He still wants to dance with me.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

With Age Comes Wisdom

Wisdom truly is a gift.....one I so desperately envy, yet one I don't always fight to gain. However, what truly defines a wise man? Is it how much he knows or how he upholds himself in the situations life throws at him? Over the years I've found that my first reaction to things is not always "above reproach." But today was different. Today I shocked myself! I have been reminded lately of something a dear friend told me, "Everyone in life will always let you down. Only God is always there, always consistent, and will never fail us." As I reflected on this statement and those that have hurt me in some way, I found my reaction to be understanding, almost compassionate. Instead of my usual response of talking aloud trying to make situations make sense, I began to pray. "Lord, this person may have let me down, but they are still your child. You still love them as much as you love me. It does not make them a bad person just because my feelings may have been hurt. So I will not talk negatively about one of your children, but pray for them." Talk about a wow moment! I was even taken back a little! I began to laugh, look to the sky, and say, "Wow Lord, I guess I am growing up!" Isn't it sad that it takes us so long to become wise? Unfortunately, I have a long way to go! I am very thankful that the Lord does not give up on me!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Pages Turned, Bridges Burned, Lessons Learned

"And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned."
~Carrie Underwood

I love music! While melody and songwriters do influence my taste at times, a good lyric can completely draw me in. Music speaks to me. I find it can pull the deepest thoughts and desires out of me and actually put them into the words that I don't know how to form myself. It is understanding, relational, and reminds me that others out there go through/feel the same things I do. There will probably be many blog entries that begin with a song.

Those who are close to me know that the past several months have been very difficult for me. I always knew that having two children would be a challenge, however, I was not prepared for what I discovered about myself in the process. I found that the "me" that existed was gone....stripped of everything I ever knew before beginning this journey of motherhood. My responsibilities changed, obligations were different, and priorities took on a whole new outlook. What I've learned is that we are constantly being molded, changed, made new, prepped for the next stage of our adventure in this life. Each time I am at a complete loss, the Lord instills more of his character within me, and with that, my faith reaches levels it never has before. As quoted from one of my favorite movies, "A bird may love a fish my Lord, but where would they live?" "Then I shall just have to make you wings." When my life seems completely out of sort that is just what the Lord does for me.....makes me wings....equips me with what I need to know him more and love him better. So, I am thankful...for every break in my heart, for every scar, for every lesson. And while my life may look entirely different than it once did before children.....different, is not always a bad thing to strive for!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

My Outlet...

I love to write. I have always loved to write. However, I have found that my desire for writing only pours over me when I am passionate for something. As I get older I find myself passionate for so many things that my heart feels at times like it wants to literally jump out of me, share my thoughts, experiences, lessons. I desperately need an outlet to allow myself this escape....no matter if it is simply me and the world. So here it is.....here begins my "write" of passage.