Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Just A Random Wednesday

Wow. It has been a long time since I have written a post. I would love to have many reasons (excuses) for that, but the truth is....I just haven't. I talk...a lot. And the past few months left me realizing that I have talked my way in circles with God for so long now that I have put Him in a bubble that seems to fit my way of thinking/believing/maybe even hoping. So I finally stopped talking, stopped writing, and just started listening. The past few months have been ones filled with prayers, anticipation, anxiety (in a sense), but really just living, loving, listening......not trying to pick God a part or place Him into a mold I created.....or from another perspective....trying to understand Him and why He doesn't fit into, well, any mold. I've just been sitting back....and letting Him speak and change my heart.....and He has been!

Today, however, is a day I want to capture in my memory and hold on to it. Today is a day that God helped me declutter the "planks" in my eyes that keep me from seeing Him and just allowed me to delight in, not only His sunshine, but also His blessings. I have started a Wednesday morning bible study. It is one that I have put off attending for....gulp.....years. It is one that is not easy to get out the door to attend. But for the past few weeks it is one that I see uplifting my heart and spirit. Not only am I in a group with women of random backgrounds and ages, but one with a group who come together each week and share intimately about their lives and marriages. Our study is on investing in our marriages and loving our spouses as God intended.....and while biblically we "know" this information....getting to physically share this walk with other women is very comforting and therapeutic. And all the while I get to engage myself with coffee and conversation, my sweet babies are in a wonderful class getting filled with bible stories! So this is how my morning started. I then met some friends at the park for lunch and play. What really hit me today was being reminded what a gift staying home with my children has been.....because I'll be the first to admit, some days calling it a "gift" is difficult.

If anyone is a stay at home mom....I'm sure I would get a big AMEN when stating that it is T-O-U-G-H in so many ways. And I'll just say....when I went back to work it wasn't easy either. So working Mamas....I'm not leaving you out. But there was sort of an outlet at work that I don't get at home.....privacy in the bathroom (can I get an AMEN), adult interaction, time to just step out of the home....away from laundry, mess, cooking, etc. It's always there when you come back, yes, but it is not staring you straight in the face all day every day. Being a stay at home mom has felt like a big sacrifice to me.....FOR YEARS. Not to mention financially. When I say sacrifice.....we mean sacrifice. This boutique shopping, designer jean wearing, social, trendy girl......has been none of these things for 3+ years. It means planning my grocery lists to a T, not being able to take trips often if ever, date nights are few and far between, cars are paid for....YEA....but our newest one is 8 years old, eating out other than a quick/cheap place is rare, and if we need new clothes....well, we settle with one or two things a month and stock up as we can. It is a sacrifice that does not come easy to me. It is uncomfortable. It is unfamiliar to me. It's one the world attacks me with daily.

So......if you are actually still reading this.....to my point. Today I got in the car on this beautiful day and realized something.....staying at home has NOT just been a gift God has given me for the sake of my children. It is actually a gift He has given me as well. Not that, "Oh its a gift you get to stay at home and watch them grow up" line. Yes....that is the obvious gift. But what I've time and time again failed to see is what a blessing it has been to me in my friendships. What a joy it is for me to get to meet friends for a bible study or play date, not just for my children, but for ME. When my children are grown and in school.....and I most likely am back at work....will I remember this time and treasure the gift that God gave me, not only to invest in my children and watch them grow, but also to invest in my friendships and love with other people? What will life look like when I can't meet a friend at the park, pool, where ever and share life together like we do now? When we have to settle for phone calls or occasional girls nights?

So thank you Lord, not only for the sacrifice that can come with staying home and teaching me lessons through that, but the blessings you provide in doing so. I have an old school friend that always says, "You live the life. You stay home with your kids. You see your friends all the time. You are always doing things. You don't have to work (I think I must make that part look easier than it actually is)." But the truth is....she's right. Right now I'm living the only life I know how to....and it is a pretty good one. I'm very thankful.
"Right before you die, you'll realize this whole life was about loving people. And you watched too much television." -- Donald Miller