Goodbyes

For as long as I can remember, I have never been "good" with goodbyes, and anyone that knows me well can completely agree to that statement. Maybe it is change that I'm really not good at, because after all, a goodbye guarantees change. Maybe it is that my natural tendency is too reflect on the loss rather than gratitude for the time given. But the truth of it is that I just have a very tender heart. I'm probably not the easiest person to get to know, maybe even love (yikes, I'm going to hope that isn't true). While I am very outgoing and can pretty much talk to anyone, it takes a lot for me to open up the door of who I am in complete transparency.......knowing everything about me. And honestly, there are very few people that have come into my life who have reflected that depth of relationship with me. So when they are gone, for whatever reason, my heart grieves probably more than it should. My best friend Jessie moved back to Maryland almost 7 years ago and I still hurt (out of joy and sadness) when I drive by our old stomping grounds. I miss her so much because I know that if she were here, we'd spend every day together....throwing our kids in a van running errands, having a glass of wine at the end of it because we're exhausted, probably even teaching together. She took a piece of my heart, and I still feel that void with her being so far away! That's just ONE of the many examples of a goodbye that still affects me. It's not as much the people that are the loss, but the impact they have on my life. When they are gone, a piece of me goes with them.

I spent a lot of time this weekend reflecting on "goodbye" and trying to find peace, thankfulness, and even grace for the moments that have been difficult. Whether goodbyes come easy to me or not, I know it's all a part of our journey, what makes us us, what shapes our lives. And even though "I KNOW" all that, I still think Jim Halpert says it best.....

"Sometimes.....Goodbyes are a B*T@H!"

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