"She tapped her finger & nothing happened & she thought she had lost her magic, but it had only changed & it took her awhile to figure it out."
I love this quote! When I read it for the first time it was like a lightbulb went off within me. I feel like it is the very definition of my life in this season. I have been struggling with identity. Who was I before I had children? When you look in the mirror, hair flowing in all directions, teeth have not been brushed, pajamas still in check, and realize you haven't even eaten today....you start to wonder sometimes if you have lost your magic....lost what made you YOU in the first place.
For someone that doesn't handle or accept loss well, I am beginning to see that it is an unavoidable part of our existence, and that it has a funny way of presenting itself sometimes. Whether it be loss of self, loss of love, loss of friendship, loss of life....somewhere in our journey whatever is taken from us leaves us....lost. It has been a tough year, but what I am realizing is that I am still me. I haven't lost what makes Laura, Laura....my magic has just changed....and it has taken me a while to figure it out. Even though each day is a new journey, whether good or bad, I am learning how to bring myself back to life again. Pajama days may not be a rare gift anymore....but they are certainly a gift. My dance parties may be a little different.....but I can still break it down. The jokes may be more about survival....but I still love to laugh. The world may not be at my fingertips....but I hold MY world in my fingertips!
.....It took me a while to figure it out (and most days I'm still figuring it out)......but there's still a little magic left in me!!!!