Bebo Norman takes me back, at least, 12 years. He was one of the very first christian artists that I really enjoyed listening to. I love his unique, mello style. I love that he writes most of his music. I love the message and the authenticity his songs hold.
This song has been on my playlist for the past few months, mostly because it is where I feel like I am right now, but also to remind me that that is OK. The middle is a tough place to be, and I am someone who has always struggled in finding their place "in the middle." I didn't even realize how many different situations I could apply this song to until yesterday. We have been battling a tough season in our home. Since January 1, my 3 year old son and I have had 4, yes 4 cases of strep throat now. My one year old has had it once. Both of my boys have had 3 ear infections each. Both boys have had to have sleep studies and will soon have to have their tonsils and adenoids removed due to sleep apnea. I had an emergency room visit with a possible broken tail bone. We have mounting medical bills at the moment, only to get larger with the surgeries. Having sick children is very tough, and having sick children for almost 2 months straight....is very wearing. So add Mommy being sick during that whole time as well, and you can imagine where I've been.......IN THE MIDDLE! And this is just the "physical" well being of all of us.
"I'm not looking for freedom, maybe just a little meaning.....here in the middle."
I am strong. I am a fighter.....but a real part of me has felt like this world is waging war on me, trying to break my spirit. And tears came to my eyes as I told my husband last night.....that its about to win, I am just about broken. So as I took a bath and let my ipod play the OLD Bebo cd, I let the words of one of my favorite songs really sink in.
No matter where I am, no matter what my dreams are, no matter where my heart may lie at the present moment, no matter what road I am on....God is still in control. I truly believe that somewhere among the confusion, mess, hurt, and trials the "middle" throws at us.....that God uses all of that "junk" to shape, mold, and form us into the person HE created us to be. The minute I stop believing that, is the minute I lose my purpose. So daily.....and it's not easy....but DAILY, I remind myself of that very thought.....and it helps me press onward!
"My dreams are not the issue here, for thee, the hammer holds."