A Beatin' Heart

I write about God a lot. Not because I live my life perfectly, not because I fail miserably, but because my heart and my mind are constantly in battle, fighting to find, seek, relate, and discover my purpose in Him. Tears filled my eyes the first time I heard this song, and the more times I hear it, the more I fall in love with the lyrics. Most of the time it is words that move or inspire me, but this song....challenges me. "When did love become unmoving? When did love become unconsuming?" When I heard that chorus for the first time, a part of me felt like it was what my heart has been screaming at the Lord for such a long time. Duties, responsibilities, life-lessons, loss of innocence, pain, strength, perseverance.....all things the past years have given to me in my journey into adulthood. All things that left me relying less on faith and more on myself, to accomplish, succeed, and pretty much ..... just get it done. No wonder I am unmoved. No wonder I am unconsumed...

Bebo Norman takes me back, at least, 12 years. He was one of the very first christian artists that I really enjoyed listening to. I love his unique, mello style. I love that he writes most of his music. I love the message and the authenticity his songs hold. This song has been on my playlist for the past few months, mostly because it is where I feel like I am right now, but also to remind me that that is OK. The middle is a tough place to be, and I am someone who has always struggled in finding their place "in the middle." I didn't even realize how many different situations I could apply this song to until yesterday. We have been battling a tough season in our home. Since January 1, my 3 year old son and I have had 4, yes 4 cases of strep throat now. My one year old has had it once. Both of my boys have had 3 ear infections each. Both boys have had to have sleep studies and will soon have to have their tonsils and adenoids removed due to sleep apnea. I had an...