A Beatin' Heart

Being a stay at home mom is so tough in so many ways. More often than not you come out defeated rather than conquering. The walls seem to close in smaller as the hours of the day pass by. It's almost as if someone has thrown your life into this never ending things-to-do list and you just know that taking care of and playing with the kids has to be on there somewhere.....but where? While all those things are what I categorize as "tough," nothing can beat a mom down more than loneliness. And I'm not talking the all I ever do is talk to a two and three year old all day lonely. I'm talking "alone alone!" Where you wonder why nobody else's children act like yours, think no one can possibly understand what your life is like, and, dare I say, feel trapped....and alone. If you are a mom, then I can guarantee you have felt "alone alone." The crazy thing about that sickness is that it attacks everyone differently. My "alone alone" ...

It's funny where your mind can take you when you are half awake/half asleep. Okay, maybe I should say that it is funny where MY mind takes me. This morning in particular makes me realize that I am s...u...c...h a girl, through and through: instinctive, anxious, and a hopeless romantic! (I mean, really, how many guys can feel all three of those things at one time!!!) Instinctive I come from a family of worriers. That's actually putting it mildly. One thing I try to "not" worry about is the weather. If you think you are a dramatic person, watch the news channels on a day where bad weather is supposed to strike and you will immediately feel better about yourself. People go nuts about the weather around here, and in more cases than not, nothing ever seems to happen! (Insert the part where I should have knocked on wood!) I ended my evening phone call with my mother 1/2 joking 1/2 serious saying, "Call me and wake me up if bad weather is coming my way." I KNEW she...

A little over two years ago some friends of ours gave birth to a still born little girl, Gracie. We were very saddened to not be able to attend the funeral. A few weeks ago at church, we were able to listen to a message we were not able to hear that day. Gracie's father spoke these words: We prayed and prayed for a miracle. You prayed and prayed for a miracle. Even though we did not get the miracle we wanted, I still believe we got a miracle. Maybe the miracle is that Gracie doesn't have to suffer and go through the pain we are going through right now. She went directly to perfection. Maybe the miracle is that we are able to praise God in the midst of her loss. Maybe the miracle is that we were able to persevere for 4 long months. Maybe the miracle is that we had 8 precious months with Gracie instead of 2. Maybe the miracle is instead of pushing each other away, we clung to each other and God to survive. Maybe the miracle is that instead of acting like everything was okay, we o...

First off, I just love JJ Heller. She definitely has some powerful songs/lyrics. But I love this song. It brings tears to my eyes every time I just sit and really listen to it. "I will love you for you." How often, in the midst of who we are....all our mess, all our junk, all of our just plain ugly, are we loved for the mere, simple fact of just being ourselves? I TRULY can't wrap my head around that. In fact, one day during bible study we were discussing the chapter of our book about God being just plain crazy in love with us. I walked down stairs for a moment to get coffee and sort of prayed out loud to myself with a genuinely confused, humble heart....."Why, Lord? Why do you love me so much? Why do you care so much?" And out of no where I swear that He answered me.... Because I made you! In that moment my eyes filled with tears because in that moment I finally understood. I love my kids, with all that is in me, I love them. While they CAN do plen...

Carrots, Eggs & Coffee A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee....You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again. A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose. Her mother took her to the kitchen.. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word... In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners.. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ' Tell me what you see.' 'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,...

As each new day brings its own set of joys, trials, wrinkles, and (dare I say) pounds, this new found 30 year old is trying to focus on the parts of her that don't hurt when I reach to high to grab a toy, ache from picking up the kids all day, or grow weary from the daily grind.....the eyes. Sure, I've always been one through the years to "play up" the eyes with fun makeup, because after all, the eyes can be the most stunning thing on a person. But it has never been the first place I go when seeking wisdom. It wasn't until I came upon a field near our home, that I began to "see" what value the eyes hold in our lives. As I came to a stop at the stop sign, I just sat in amazement at the very sight of it. Breathtaking rows upon rows of endless purple wildflowers, known to the "trained" eye as weeds. But that is not what I saw. I saw beauty, in something as simple as a "weed." Perspective......has a pretty huge impact on our lives. ...