A Beatin' Heart

Have you ever just felt....unsettled? I have been homeless, living with roommates for the past 6 months, waiting for our home to be built. Unsettled should be a feeling I have gotten used to by now. It just feels different this time. I feel like life right now is moving so quickly, and I just can't seem to keep up with it. I am aimlessly going from one thing to the next, getting done what needs to get done, in hopes of simply staying in the race. Life.....is beginning to change and will soon look very different, and I think I'm just "feeling" that. I can't stop it, hit the pause button, or even the refresh one (wouldn't that be nice?). So...unsettled....ready or not....I enter the next chapter of my life.

Who can't think back to a first love (or "loves") without a smile coming to your face. You may even find yourself giggling a little, thinking about how silly you were in those days. But none the less, young love was fun: not a care in the world, no responsibilities, you could NEVER turn your head for another, would NEVER consider loving anyone else. Holding hands in public symbolized to the world that he was yours and you were his. Or even better than holding hands....having a token of that person to show the world. Which leads me to the reason for my ramblings. Yes, I admit it, I am reading Twilight....again. I find that it truly is the one book I think I could read over and over and not get tired of. There is something about the innocence and sweetness of the book that lures me back in every time. Yesterday I came to the part in the book where Edward gave Bella his jacket to wear, which, in its simplicity, was a big moment. She wrapped up in it, loved that it...

Stones...hurt. Size does not matter. Big ones squish. Small ones sting. Strong. They are not easily broken. Good for keeping things in. Good for keeping things out. Why is it when we are older we begin taking all of those stones that have been cast our way and start building walls around our heart? Someone hurts us....add a stone. Someone lets us down....add a stone. Someone diminishes our hope....another stone. We're disappointed.....stone. Lied to....stone. We "feel" these things so deeply, that somewhere we want to just stop feeling them. We build that wall, piece by piece, stone by stone, so that next time....it may not hurt as bad. So what then? This is where I was tonight..."was" being the appropriate word. Then something within that wall whispered: "Trust me, Laura." ...... and a stone fell. "Have faith that I am walking with you." ..... another stone.... "I will always take care of you." .......stone...... No matter how big ...